Woa

I have been married for five days. My husband will be here tomorrow! ...lol that makes it sound like I ordered him in the mail. :) I love him more than anything.
On a less awesome note: my battle buddy got tired of watching me get more depressed and... tired I guess... and now I have a series of behavioral health appointments. Hopefully whatever they decide to will work very very fast so that I can continue being a good soldier, so that I can finally feel genuinely happy again, and so that my husband won't have to compensate for my lack of energy or unwillingness to open up. Whatever happens, I want to keep my husband, stay Active Duty, and for the depression to stop now. Having my husband here all the time will definitely help!

Embrace the suck

I signed my contract to be a linguist. I was assigned Arabic. I do not love this language or any of its attached cultures, however, I have managed to stop hating it. I have failed every single test, and feel irretrievably behind my classmates.
I am now getting what I want to some extent though, I'm being dropped from the course for lack of ability. This drop will be cancelled if by some miracle I manage to achieve a passing test score before the drop has gone through.
I love my classmates so very much, and feeling like I'm losing... a good chunk of who I've turned into. That, and I absolutely hate knowing that I've failed. Failed at the one task I had to complete. I have to fight feeling like/saying that I'm a failure.
I'm also feeling really apprehensive about what the Army will do with me. I don't know if they'll assign me a new language, give me a job I actually want, put me somewhere I don't want to be... I guess it's just time to embrace the suck again... and I guess hope for a miracle...